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obsessed with sex

In Christianity, marriage, premarital sex on September 28, 2010 at 8:25 am

Growing up I often heard about how obsessed “the world” was with sex and how unhealthy this was. Just think of all the movies, TV shows, song lyrics and commercials that feature gratuitous sexual imagery. I’m not the only one who’s noticed that Christians are as unhealthily obsessed with sex as everyone else.

I love this quote from Jon Busch’s article, “Not Doing It”:

Now that I’m married, I know that sex is a great thing–a ‘natural and zesty enterprise’ as Maude Lebowski so aptly puts it in my favorite film. But I also realize that its not nearly as big a deal as anyone–Christians, Hollywood, Marquis de Sade–makes it out to be. We live in a sex-obsessed culture, to be sure. But the evangelical culture I grew up in was equally obsessed. The way I grew up you’d think that at least 30 percent of the Bible was about sex. Turns out it’s more like .3 percent. And what it does say hardly gives us a one-two-three model for relationships.

Looking back over my own experience in the evangelical world, I mostly agree with Jon’s assessment: evangelicals are equally obsessed with sex and just like the “secular” world, their obsession is unhealthy. Obsession is defined as an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind. Being preoccupied with just one idea means that we lose perspective and losing perspective in this scenario means that evangelicals have placed undue importance on sexuality as an “issue” as opposed to say, compassion or social justice. Much of the energy that has been thrown into fighting for abstinence-only education or against birth control availability for minors would probably have been better spent fighting illiteracy, poverty, violence against women and the continued injustices against minorities.

Mark Regnerus, author of Forbidden Fruit, makes a similar argument in his article, “The Case for Early Marriage”. One of the points he makes (among many other interesting and possibly controversial ideas) is that evangelicals have been so focused on the “sexual crisis” that they have completely ignored the very real marriage crisis. He points out that while evangelical sexual ethics seem to remain fixed in biblical norms, ideals about marriage have shifted drastically:

Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed. Increasing numbers of young evangelicals think likewise, and, by integrating these ideas with the timeless imperative to abstain from sex before marriage, we’ve created a new optimal life formula for our children: Marriage is glorious, and a big deal. But it must wait. And with it, sex. Which is seldom as patient.

Mark argues that its unfair to young Christians to push abstinence, while at the same time pushing for young people to wait longer before getting married.

So why is obsession with sex a bad thing? It skews our perspectives about other issues that also need time and attention from Christians and it has created a culture of unfair expectations that ultimately lead to unnecessary guilt. More on guilt next time!

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